Summary
For gamers who love getting sidetracked,Final Fantasy VII Rebirthis a bonanza of distractions. 2024’s critical darling is Chocobo-full of side quests and, most importantly, a whopping 23 mini-games. While the gang is in hot pursuit of Sephiroth, they somehow find plenty of time to kick back—whether it’s playing Rocket League for dogs or belting out a tune on the piano.
But not all mini-games are a walk in the park. Many are downright brutal, with some challenging enough to trigger rage quits or make players rethink their love for mini-games entirely. Here are the toughest of the bunch.
9Queen’s Blood
Like Blood From a Stone
Square Enix clearly aimed to makeQueen’s Bloodfeel like a global phenomenon. Like Gwent from the Witcher series, this is a pastime people from all over will be willing to play. But that’s pretty much where the similarities stop.
While some matches are fairly easy, this collectible card game can spike in difficulty as you face opponents with stacked decks. And when you finally reach the Nightmare Survival Challenge at Wonderment Square in Gold Saucer, you’ll understand what true pain feels like. This mini-game is one part strategy, one part endurance, and all parts addictive.
8Glide de Chocobo
Choco-No Thanks
While fans are usually overjoyed whenever they seeChocobosinFinal Fantasygames, Glide de Chocobo is one of those rare exceptions. On the surface, it sounds simple: glide through a canyon and fly through floating rings. But awkward, clunky controls and a punishing learning curve quickly sap any enjoyment.
What makes this mini-game even more frustrating is its lack of fun factor. With no real incentive to “git good,” players are left slogging through an experience that’s more tedious than thrilling. It’s a test of patience rather than skill.
7Desert Rush
A Different Kind of Boxing
One of the best ways to relieve stress inFinal Fantasy VII Rebirthis Desert Rush, a redux ofRemake’s Whack-a-Box. It’s essentially a timed obstacle course where Cloud takes on the game’s true villain: destructible boxes.
While it’s fairly manageable with lower difficulties, it’s not until players get to Challenging Mode that they start to feel the heat. The ultimate reward for all the players’ box-smashing tribulations? A pretty nifty Boxcrusher Keychain. This accessory restores both HP and MP anytime an enemy is staggered. Pretty handy!
6Fort Condor
Soul-Crushing Waves
Fans of the originalFinal Fantasy VII’sCondor War were greeted by a familiar sight withFort Condor. In this basic tower defense style mini-game, fans are given a potent shot of nostalgia with the iconic 1997 low-poly character models they set out to battle.
While Fort Condor starts relatively simple, things escalate quickly in Hard mode. The difficulty spike demands strategic thinking and plenty of patience as players watch their carefully placed units get obliterated time and time again. Deep breaths and determination are essential to conquering this daunting challenge.
5Gears and Gambits
Getting to Grips With the Grind
The biggest hurdle when it comes toGears and Gambitsis getting to grips with its intricate mechanics and strategy. For players who despise information overload, run while you still can.
This race against the clock mini-game tasks players with building a robot team and deploying them against a gigantic enemy in an arena. While it starts clicking after a few rounds, Hard mode is a completely different story. Players must fully customize their robots, making every decision critical to survival. It’s a test of both strategy and adaptability that rewards those who can rise to the challenge.
4Cactuar Crush
Keep Crushing It
Cactuars are beloved icons in theFinal Fantasyfranchise, but for those who aren’t fans,Cactuar Crushis the perfect remedy. This Dynasty Warriors-style mini-game tasks players with defeating relentless waves of these spiky little foes using Yuffie and Aerith.
What makes it extra challenging is their less spammable attack styles compared to other party members. On Hard mode, it becomes a true slog. Players must carefully choose weapons, accessories, and buffs (pro ti: equip ATB-boosting Materia), and plan their approach to survive the onslaught and crush each wave.
3Crunch-Off
Run the Jules
Sit-ups are hard enough in real life, andFinal Fantasy VII Rebirthbrings that painful challenge right to players' fingertips. In this mini-game, Tifa faces off against bodybuilders in a grueling sit-up contest. As a variant of the notorious Pull-ups mini-game from the previous installment, the difficulty is practically a guarantee.
It’s a relentless quick-time event-athon that tests your endurance, reaction speed, and patience. Prepare to fail—a lot. Like with most of these entries, the true kicker is your final opponent. And anyone who’s completed this challenge will no doubt get a cold sweat whenever they hear the dreaded name,Jules.
23D Brawler
A Battle of Wits (Or Cheese)
3D Battler makes its dreaded return from the original game in the form of 3D Brawler, much to the dismay ofFinal Fantasyveterans. Widely considered one of the franchise’s most punishing mini-games, this updated version continues the tradition of frustration.
The low-poly boxing challenge puts players' reflexes to the test as they battle iconic characters from the game. Even cheesing strategies aren’t a surefire path to victory. And when it comes to the final boss (no spoilers here), many players will inevitably resort to Googling the ultimate cheese tactic in sheer desperation.
1Piano
Rhapsody of Rage
When looking at the game’s hardest challenges, most players will point (and cry) towards thePiano mini-game. It transforms your controller into a virtual piano, mapping keys to the left and right thumbsticks as you attempt to play iconic tracks from the game.
While real piano players might scoff at the difficulty, the rest of us are left in a mental tug-of-war as our left and right brain hemispheres fight to show us which one is more useless. For a pastime that’s supposed to be soothing, this mini-game delivers nothing but frustration and finger cramps.
